Miss Sadie Synn's journey into finding her authentic self.
Guest Post by Miss Sadie Synn
As a FemDom, it is empowering to stand above a kneeling submissive, as they kiss my boots or serve me. Surrendering control is one of the most precious gifts one can give. I love others giving that to me. The first part of my journey, I started as a slave but it was obvious that I wasn't fit for that role. I knew I was a dominant after that, but I had no confidence in myself.
As I started slowly progressing through my transition I realized that should become my primary focus. In 2014, I was able to begin hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I was blown away by how much change I experienced after just a year of HRT. In truth, it took so long because I had felt resigned to transitioning. Years later, I discovered this was due to PTSD from childhood abuse. I knew myself, but I had not found that certain je ne sais quoi. Although I needed to put myself out there as a Lifestyle Domme, I had no confidence in myself. I had been a hermit for the last five, years so I had absolutely nothing to lose! At worst there would be no change and my situation would be the same.
For the first six months of being a Domme in the lifestyle, it was rough. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had a background from the other side and lots of involvement assisting in scenes, but I no experience being the one in control. I needed to learn how to tactfully stick up for myself while subtly using my femininity. Then I had my first really hot scene. After negotiations, a masochist guided me through using canes. I was hooked.
Being a FemDom helps affirm my own femininity and that may be my favorite thing about it. I often hear trans-women talk about that affirmation from sex with a partner who truly sees them as them, as a woman. My history is complicated when it comes to sex. It carries emotional labor for me because my needs can’t be met.
That said, being a FemDom allows me to feel that affirmation without the emotional labor. That look in my slave’s eyes when they call me Mistress makes my soul sing. Allowing my natural feminine energy to flow through a scene or session erases all the years of physical and verbal trauma I experienced for just being me. What once was the bane of my existence became my strongest strength and it did wonders for my personal well-being. It allowed me to go through TSA with double D’s and an ID with my birth gender.
While serving my country and volunteering did make me feel good about myself, they didn’t let me respect me for who I was. Being a Femdom did. Being in control over submissives and slaves that consensually chose to kneel before me did. With my power being non-consensually taken from me as a child, having others surrender theirs willingly is some of the best therapy in the world.