Tag: BDSM
How to Have Sex Without Thinking of Your Own Orgasm (And Why You Should Try It)
By Key Barrett
I know what you are thinking after reading my title. What is that and what is the point? Ok, that’s a valid question. First, a definition. It’s a sex act where you consciously accept that you will not have an orgasm, or focus on your pleasure at all. It sounds counter-intuitive. From a purely biological standpoint, there really is no reason to attempt sex with a goal of voiding out your sexual needs and desire for orgasm. And honestly, when we are in the throes of passionate sex, it’s hard not to think of it as a purely biological act driving toward an inevitable conclusion.
Thank Heaven for the Professional Dominatrix! by Dirk Hooper
Professional Dominatrix Phoenix Steele shared an opinion on Facebook, “I’m sick of seeing Lifestyle Domme’s talk shit to a submissive just because he’s seen a ProDomme a few times!! Ladies that’s kink shaming-KNOCK IT OFF!!!”
My expanded response to that post is below.
I’ve been in the BDSM community for 20 years. I count professional dominatrices as some of my best friends, clients, and lovers. I’m familiar with both sides of this issue.
Over the years I’ve heard countless stories (and seen a few myself) about how professional dominatrices have been poorly treated by the BDSM community, and now I’m honestly shocked to hear that submissives also bear some burden for seeing professionals.
It’s time to stop.
Travel News: Domina Mari Visits Toronto April 24-26th
She may be petite but she packs a punch.
Alpha Dominatrix Domina Mari will be bringing her skillful hand to Toronto next weekend for a tour with Mistress Mystique starting April 24th and ending on the 26th.
Cunning and cruel, she spares no bottom. Sadistic and seductive, this femme fatale is devoted to nothing but leather and the spirit of divine pleasure. She has an insatiable hunger and curiosity to unveil your secrets and unearth your darkest desires. She will hurt your ego, en anglais et en français.
A rising star in the Canadian BDSM scene, Domina Mari asserts that her authenticity and unique approach is what keeps the clients at her knees. She is a big believer in D/s dynamics as a space for release and transcendence.
Mistress Baton Announces North America Travel Plans in April and May
South Africa disciplinarian Mistress Baton brings her considerable talents to North America for a tour that will begin April 19 in Ottawa and conclude in Los Angeles on May 8th. The extensive trip will include Toronto, New York, Chicago, Houston, and San Francisco.
When asked about how she feels about traveling to North America she said, “I am incredibly excited, since this is my first proper tour to North America. I’m impressed with the inquiries and bookings I’ve received so far – the clients/bottoms are eloquent, informed and the sessions will be challenging and fun. There aren’t many disciplinarians in North America and I’m looking forward to introducing as many bottoms as possible to my way of administering discipline.”
Mistress Baton has been chosen as a Guest of Honor at DomCon LA this year. “DomCon will be a highlight, especially as I’m very honored to be a Guest of Honor. But every bottom I play with will provide their own highlight for me,” she said.
Press Release: Mistress Cyan Presents Erotic City at LA Pride 2018
West Hollywood, CA — June 9&10 in West Hollywood, Mistress Cyan presents Erotic City at the 2018 LA Pride festival.
Erotic City offers kinky stage performances, fetish gear vendors, and interactive play spaces where guests can learn and experience firsthand what BDSM is all about. Mistress Cyan’s leather family from Sanctuary Studios will join with members of the men’s bondage club, Avatar LA to teach, entertain, and inspire future leaders in the community.
“Erotic City is about representing the leather and BDSM aspects of the LGBTQ+ community in a safe space to explore and experience the spicier side of life,” said Mistress Cyan, event organizer and LA Pride board member. “Leather is a significant aspect of the community, and a critical part of our history. Demand that it be represented at LA Pride is respected. Our hashtag this year is #JustBe, and Erotic City represents that high-octane individuality we like to bring to the community.”
Halloween Photos from Dominatrix and Fetish Models
Dominatrix, and the fetish community in general, always have amazing costumes for Halloween. Twitter was ablaze this year with plenty of Dommes and fetish models who were showing off their creations this year.
DommeLinx grabbed some of the best Halloween photos for this piece, but there’s no way we could ever cover all the great photos that were out there. If you missed out this time, please tag us in your Halloween posts (follow and engage with us here) and we’ll catch you next year.
Enjoy this gallery, and please leave your comments below.
Top Dropping – Dommes Can Drop Too by Miss Kate
Yes, a Domme is a Real Human, with Real Human Emotions
By Feature Writer Miss Kate
I am sure anyone reading this is well aware of the term “sub dropping”. For those of you who are new, it is the state that can happen after a sub leaves subspace. During subspace, the body releases all type of feel good hormones and chemicals, often giving them a “high” feeling. It can last anywhere from hours to days. And they usually do not want to leave the wonderful blissful state they are in.
However, what goes up, must come down
As the sub’s endorphins drop, there can be a mixed bag of things going on from physical to emotional. A drop can happen even after just one session. They may get the blues, they may feel aches and pains, tiredness, and the list goes on. The way the endorphins leave the body so rapidly can be likened to a hangover or an opiate withdrawal. Sometimes, it can even lead into a depression. This is why aftercare is so very important. There are different degrees of drop, but I will save that for another time.
The Top Drop
What is often lesser known or talked about however, is Top dropping. Yes, Tops can drop. I will be honest, in my whole six-year career as a Pro-Domme, I had never even heard of Top drop. That is, until I dropped myself. I had no clue what the hell was going on. All I knew was that, out of nowhere, I got deeply upset. I started to rant and rave to a few close friends that I was a terrible Domme and that I was quitting altogether. I was truly baffled by my feelings. Until someone in my group privately messaged me and told me what was up! She said “Look, you’re fine. You’re just dropping.”. Of course, my natural reaction was, “What? No, I am not. Tops don’t drop”. She then gently explained to me how and why Tops can drop.
Well of course Tops can drop. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that we are, in fact, mere humans. Whether you are a lifestyle, pro, or both, sometimes it is easy for your ego to get inflated, especially when you are constantly being put on a pedestal. When you are constantly the one in the driver’s seat, calling all the shots, it is easy to go on a power trip. It itself can give you a high. A lifestyle Domme can feel it a bit more roughly because play sessions are going to have a huge element of intimacy to it. But even a Domme who is strictly pro can have an intense session where emotions run high, endorphins a-flowing adrenaline a-pumping. Afterwards, something just seems . . . amiss. I have heard Dommes describe it as feeling “weird” before.
Symptoms of Top dropping?
Essentially, they are the same as a sub drop. Both Tops and subs experience euphoria during a session, and both can experience sadness, anxiety, and worry afterwards. But there is one glaring difference: Top drops often include feelings of guilt. Perhaps there are feelings of crossing a line, or that you may have been to rough, possibly you were a little bit too intense.
What Can a Top Do?
So, if aftercare is important in easing a sub out of subspace gently and hopefully minimizing the chance of a drop, what can a Top do to prevent or while dropping? I am not too sure if there are many preventive measures, per se, since you never know how a scene will play out. But while your dropping you must primarily recognize it for what it is; a drop. Take part in activities that engage you; read a book; watch a comedy; occupy yourself with your hobby; take general “me” time. This, too, shall pass. Do not think of giving in or up. Do not change your practise of doing things if it is what works for you. And if you are feeling super intense or depressed, communicate with your sub (if possible). Despite them being your submissive, they do realize you are human and have human emotions.
And lastly, just like you would make sure your sub was well hydrated and has had a healthy meal, make sure you do that yourself.
Guest Post: You Can Be a Lifestyle Sub but a Professional Domme
My Life: Lifestyle Submissive & Professional Domme
Guest Post by Anonymous
Let me start from the beginning of this kinky journey. You see, I am kind of living the life of a Double Agent. For the past three and half years, I have been owned and financially dominated by a Haitian BBC Master. And for the last five years *drum roll please* I have made my living dominating men. Caught your attention?! I bet I did.
You may be asking yourself, how can you live the life of a submissive but work as a Professional Domme? Well, let me tell you.
I spent my entire 20’s trying to figure out who I was and where I wanted to go in life. I was raised to get an education, find a career, and start a family. I received a B.S in Human Services and began working in addictions and mental health. I loved the work, unfortunately the pay just barely got me through. And 6 months after turning 30, I was out of a job, just like that.
A couple of days later, not really knowing what I was doing, I posted an escort ad. It dawned on me to do so because I had previously given rides to escort friends and saw the kind of cash they pulled in. With my first day as an escort over and done with, I had half my 2-week paycheck in my hand. I was immediately addicted to fast money of sex work.
I had no idea what I was getting into. Unacquainted with the industry, I didn’t realize the niche I would end up filling, being a 6’1 Amazon. That is, until I started receiving domination and fetish requests. So, what do you do when you are given a more lucrative way to make money? You learn, and you learn fast. A lot of late nights up researching and reading any resource I could get my hands on. A few awkward sessions and straight up confessions to subs that I was new. After a year or so of fumbling my way through the business, I felt more comfortable with it.
It is important to note here that I was extremely overweight, depressed, and addicted to meth. And really, all I wanted was someone to care about me. The night I met Master D, I was drunk, the only way I could muster up the courage to inquire about the lifestyle that I had been briefly introduced to. I had absolutely no clue how my life was about to change. When I walked into His house, I saw the most beautiful, athletic man with a caramel complexion. Covered with tattoos, with a tattoo on his neck that said “Carpe Diem”.
Yet somehow, despite is scary demeanor, He emanated peace. As we talked about my future service, He made me feel like I was already a part of something bigger than me. He broke down His plan for me and what He saw for the future. I was in awe, and all I could do was nod.
I had huge insecurities, amplified by clients who were insensitive to me being a BBW. But this handsome, fit man did not trouble Himself with it. He already knew that part of the plan was for us to get healthy together. When I reluctantly shared my addiction issues, He looked me directly in the eyes and told me I was not going to be using anymore. No one had ever cared about my addiction issues or whether I was healthy or not before, and it felt amazing. The first ninety days was a whirlwind. As His submissive, I did exactly what I was told to do and my transformation was glorious.
I became a good Domme because of the dramatic impact Master D’s guidance had on me. I became more confident in my ability to dominate because I am 100lbs lighter, a lot more knowledgeable about fetish and play, and all because of His encouragement. He pushed me to become more educated about all aspects of what I was doing. Lastly, but most certainly not least, I am meth free.
I adore the dominant/fetish work I do and I am able to do it because of Master D’s guidance. Even though I had become more comfortable in my position, He still encouraged me to dig deeper, to really figure out more about it and how I could become my absolute best. These submissive men I dominate will never be in Master D’s playing field, and no man will ever have a chance to be in His position.
I believe We are superior to them and the only chance they have at being a part of my life, and maybe getting a glimpse of His, is by paying to serve. The only man that deserves my submissive heart is Master D.
I never have to worry too much about transitioning from subspace to prepare for a Domme session, simply because I always make sure I have enough time in between to come down and out of subspace. I am at a point where I do not have to do much to prepare for a session, unless it’s a fetish I am unfamiliar with. That isn’t to say I have never sub dropped, I most definitely have, but I compare it more to an unsatisfied feeling. I am always left wanting more. I am never afraid He is going to do too much to me. Besides, I like to see how far I can push myself. On the other hand,, I am almost certain that I have never top dropped. To be honest, my sessions tend to be a little on the blander and average side. I am having fun, but nothing amazing or psychologically thrilling ever happens to warrant a Top drop. I guess I am lucky in that way.
To those who do not believe that this seemingly paradoxical scenario is possible, all I can say is that I respect their opinion but politely disagree. I do not have any argument per se to back up my difference in opinion because everybody’s position, whether in lifestyle or profession, is different. I just know, there is no way they can put parameters on what I do because they are not me. It is possible. And I am living, breathing, serving, & dominating proof.
I had a vanilla friend tell me she was not good with authority, and I said, “You might be if you found the right authority figure”.
The author of this guest post has chosen to stay anonymous. She is a 35-year-old red-headed paradoxical Amazon: dutiful in her servitude & superior in her domination.
Inside the Mind of a Pro-Switch by Devan DeSade
Devan DeSade Explains Being a Pro-Switch, Professionally
Guest Post
There is a flavour cornucopia in the Ice Cream Parlour of Life, ranging from dominance to submission with a whole spectrum in between. Some incredible people have chosen professional careers in either. But a less commonly known element of the kink industry is the Pro-Switch, the mix of tastes and talents. Welcome to my world.
Femdoms are beautiful and powerful women who are naturally in control. Pro-Dommes are in control by nature of their career. I’m neither because I sometimes choose to give up my power, and at other times, have a sub kneeling before me. The world of the switch is unique and often misunderstood by both Dommes and subs. I will give you the benefit by assuming you’ve heard, “never cross a switch,” often by a cheeky Domme or a passionate sub. The phrase itself could be broken down sub-culturally and linguistically, like what does “cross” really mean? But I digress . . .
I identify with elements of both Pro-Dommes and Pro-Subs. The cleverness, panache, and integrity of Dommes resonate with me. But the trust, honesty, and openness of Pro-Subs are gorgeous in its own right. Dommes inspire me because I aspire to be one; Subs intrigue me. Both require incredible amounts of similar but different energy release, and the biggest exploration for me is discovering those nooks and crannies. Craving the deepest depths of submission, the highest galaxies of domination, and all the geological marvels in between.
I love being beaten but I absolutely adore beating others. I use phrases as a Domme that had been uttered to me as a sub, leaving me wet with surrender. The impact the Domme has on me is heightened because I can understand how wonderfully wicked they are. Using these principles when I am a Domme allows me to send others into that beautiful subspace I previously occupied. It is a compliment to those I have subbed to.
Often, other’s confusion comes in the form of understanding the switch’s headspace. This can easily turn into a 2007-esque argument about gays being “just like you.” These spaces correlate with those of Doms and subs, unless I am with another switch, where interchanging power is the point. It’s almost living vicariously: while submitting shows me how powerful Dommes are and how passionately they have crafted the scene, I enjoy dominating because I know the fulfilling feeling of the other end.
For myself, being a Domme in subspace is easier than the other way around. I can serve who I am Domming by nature of my slavery. Being a sub still in a Domme headspace is somewhat harder. I need to be put in my place or reminded of whom I serve in order to submit: I need to be told what I really am.
Being a Pro-Switch allows me to be my most authentic self. I can be quiet and mysterious: will I beat the shit out of you, or beg and plead otherwise? Depending on my mood or scene, I can wear restraints, wield a flogger, or show off thigh high boots (sometimes all at once). Only the one who owns me knows where the true power lies. To everyone else, I am an unobtainable submissive and a Domme just out of reach.
Some pro and lifestyle switches that have rebranded to become dominants, are respectfully waiting to earn the title à la Old Guard style. They may choose to hone their initial skills in a less pressuring situation than starting out as a Pro-Domme, and dominants may be more willing to mentor these individuals. Other Dommes entered as a sub or switch, and incorporate that into their DommeCraft. It can be like bisexuality: people move through these identities to better find themselves. But for others, the gray area is the authentic identity. No one Domme, Switch or sub is alike.
The switches that are service oriented can make fantastic Pro-Dommes because the session itself can become a service. They enjoy the experience more if you like it, too. I please others as an owned slave. And as a Domme, I want to fulfill you.
Ah, switches, the searcher of ethereal euphoric experiences. A kinky jack-of-all-trades. The switches’ role is vast: the intimidating butler, the unpredictable jester, the quiet knave eyeing you from the corner, the diplomatic hierophant who just wants to teach. However, most incorporate both sides of D/s into a unique mixture all their own. Just as everyone’s kink is unique, each switch has past knowledge of both sides of the torture device. How they choose to divulge this is up to them. This article is a small part of mine, but I hope it alluded to some lesser known views of the switch.
A jet-setting punk pin-up Pro-Switch, Devan is originally from Denver, but now resides and co-owns a Little Dungeon on the Prairie near Des Moines, House of Synn (@House_of_Synn), offering real time & online sessions. You can find Devan walking her huskies, attending DomCon, and writing for KinkE Magazine about consensual misandry, female domination, & Queer culture. Find Devan on Twitter @devandesade.