The Shame of Feeling Ashamed by Thimble

I told three friends the other day that I wrote BDSM erotica. I even gave them my pseudonym so they could read it. They are the 3rd, 4th and 5th people I’ve told since I started publishing my work in December. I’m not out as a submissive to many people, obviously, and sharing my writing essentially outs me, as it’s all about femdom and it wouldn’t take a genius to put it together. But telling these friends felt right. These are good people: the kind who see the weird in you and like you more for it. After telling them, I quickly said: “Don’t think just because I write about it that I want it to happen to me, ok? A lot of stuff is just for the story. It’s not me. Ok?”

I was lying. I want most what I write about to happen to me. And the things I think they would be most shocked by, the things I was thinking of when I said that to them: I especially want that. I want to be put over someone’s knee and spanked for not making the bed correctly. I want someone to make me eat oatmeal drenched in her piss. A part of me is ashamed of wanting that. And a larger part of me is ashamed for feeling that shame.

Guest Post: You Can Be a Lifestyle Sub but a Professional Domme


My Life: Lifestyle Submissive & Professional Domme

Guest Post by Anonymous

Let me start from the beginning of this kinky journey. You see, I am kind of living the life of a Double Agent. For the past three and half years, I have been owned and financially dominated by a Haitian BBC Master. And for the last five years *drum roll please* I have made my living dominating men. Caught your attention?! I bet I did.

You may be asking yourself, how can you live the life of a submissive but work as a Professional Domme? Well, let me tell you.

I spent my entire 20’s trying to figure out who I was and where I wanted to go in life. I was raised to get an education, find a career, and start a family. I received a B.S in Human Services and began working in addictions and mental health. I loved the work, unfortunately the pay just barely got me through. And 6 months after turning 30, I was out of a job, just like that.

A couple of days later, not really knowing what I was doing, I posted an escort ad. It dawned on me to do so because I had previously given rides to escort friends and saw the kind of cash they pulled in. With my first day as an escort over and done with, I had half my 2-week paycheck in my hand. I was immediately addicted to fast money of sex work.

I had no idea what I was getting into. Unacquainted with the industry, I didn’t realize the niche I would end up filling, being a 6’1 Amazon. That is, until I started receiving domination and fetish requests. So, what do you do when you are given a more lucrative way to make money? You learn, and you learn fast. A lot of late nights up researching and reading any resource I could get my hands on. A few awkward sessions and straight up confessions to subs that I was new. After a year or so of fumbling my way through the business, I felt more comfortable with it.

It is important to note here that I was extremely overweight, depressed, and addicted to meth. And really, all I wanted was someone to care about me. The night I met Master D, I was drunk, the only way I could muster up the courage to inquire about the lifestyle that I had been briefly introduced to. I had absolutely no clue how my life was about to change. When I walked into His house, I saw the most beautiful, athletic man with a caramel complexion. Covered with tattoos, with a tattoo on his neck that said “Carpe Diem”.

Yet somehow, despite is scary demeanor, He emanated peace. As we talked about my future service, He made me feel like I was already a part of something bigger than me. He broke down His plan for me and what He saw for the future. I was in awe, and all I could do was nod.

I had huge insecurities, amplified by clients who were insensitive to me being a BBW. But this handsome, fit man did not trouble Himself with it. He already knew that part of the plan was for us to get healthy together. When I reluctantly shared my addiction issues, He looked me directly in the eyes and told me I was not going to be using anymore. No one had ever cared about my addiction issues or whether I was healthy or not before, and it felt amazing. The first ninety days was a whirlwind. As His submissive, I did exactly what I was told to do and my transformation was glorious.

I became a good Domme because of the dramatic impact Master D’s guidance had on me. I became more confident in my ability to dominate because I am 100lbs lighter, a lot more knowledgeable about fetish and play, and all because of His encouragement. He pushed me to become more educated about all aspects of what I was doing. Lastly, but most certainly not least, I am meth free.

I adore the dominant/fetish work I do and I am able to do it because of Master D’s guidance. Even though I had become more comfortable in my position, He still encouraged me to dig deeper, to really figure out more about it and how I could become my absolute best. These submissive men I dominate will never be in Master D’s playing field, and no man will ever have a chance to be in His position.

I believe We are superior to them and the only chance they have at being a part of my life, and maybe getting a glimpse of His, is by paying to serve. The only man that deserves my submissive heart is Master D.

I never have to worry too much about transitioning from subspace to prepare for a Domme session, simply because I always make sure I have enough time in between to come down and out of subspace. I am at a point where I do not have to do much to prepare for a session, unless it’s a fetish I am unfamiliar with. That isn’t to say I have never sub dropped, I most definitely have, but I compare it more to an unsatisfied feeling. I am always left wanting more. I am never afraid He is going to do too much to me. Besides, I like to see how far I can push myself. On the other hand,, I am almost certain that I have never top dropped. To be honest, my sessions tend to be a little on the blander and average side. I am having fun, but nothing amazing or psychologically thrilling ever happens to warrant a Top drop. I guess I am lucky in that way.

To those who do not believe that this seemingly paradoxical scenario is possible, all I can say is that I respect their opinion but politely disagree. I do not have any argument per se to back up my difference in opinion because everybody’s position, whether in lifestyle or profession, is different. I just know, there is no way they can put parameters on what I do because they are not me. It is possible. And I am living, breathing, serving, & dominating proof.

I had a vanilla friend tell me she was not good with authority, and I said, “You might be if you found the right authority figure”.

The author of this guest post has chosen to stay anonymous. She is a 35-year-old red-headed paradoxical Amazon: dutiful in her servitude & superior in her domination.