Thank Heaven for the Professional Dominatrix! by Dirk Hooper

Professional Dominatrix Phoenix Steele shared an opinion on Facebook, “I’m sick of seeing Lifestyle Domme’s talk shit to a submissive just because he’s seen a ProDomme a few times!! Ladies that’s kink shaming-KNOCK IT OFF!!!”

My expanded response to that post is below.


I’ve been in the BDSM community for 20 years. I count professional dominatrices as some of my best friends, clients, and lovers. I’m familiar with both sides of this issue.

Over the years I’ve heard countless stories (and seen a few myself) about how professional dominatrices have been poorly treated by the BDSM community, and now I’m honestly shocked to hear that submissives also bear some burden for seeing professionals.

It’s time to stop.

The Shame of Feeling Ashamed by Thimble

I told three friends the other day that I wrote BDSM erotica. I even gave them my pseudonym so they could read it. They are the 3rd, 4th and 5th people I’ve told since I started publishing my work in December. I’m not out as a submissive to many people, obviously, and sharing my writing essentially outs me, as it’s all about femdom and it wouldn’t take a genius to put it together. But telling these friends felt right. These are good people: the kind who see the weird in you and like you more for it. After telling them, I quickly said: “Don’t think just because I write about it that I want it to happen to me, ok? A lot of stuff is just for the story. It’s not me. Ok?”

I was lying. I want most what I write about to happen to me. And the things I think they would be most shocked by, the things I was thinking of when I said that to them: I especially want that. I want to be put over someone’s knee and spanked for not making the bed correctly. I want someone to make me eat oatmeal drenched in her piss. A part of me is ashamed of wanting that. And a larger part of me is ashamed for feeling that shame.