Approaching The Mistress
Used with Permission by Mistress Didi
Understand your needs.
Most people are thrilled by the idea of serving a Domnina will give them some kind of satisfaction on a psycho-emotional-physical level. They are excited by the “idea” of serving, but not completely aware of the time, energy, and how much control must be relinquished in order to serve properly. The fantasy element of serving a Mistress often blinds the submissive to the fact that his/her hands will get dirty while doing chores that s/he does not want to do, but is instructed to do. The goal is to do the will of the Mistress; your desires are of no importance unless the Mistress is concerned about and chooses to address them. For many, once the reality of all that entails proper service becomes clear, they do not actually wish to serve; they wish to be thrilled.
Training for proper service requires the Mistress’ time, energy and skills and She should be rewarded by your complete obedience and your tributes. Should you determine that the thrill was more important to you than proper service, you must be certain not to have wasted the Mistress’ time and energy and that should She release you, that you leave Her well compensated. It always annoys Me when cheap people do not even bring Me a bottle of wine as a tribute and dare to think that to clean My bathroom is actually something special that I should be grateful for from them. They fail to realize that My bathroom is already being regularly cleaned and has been for a long time before they even thought to approach Me to offer service. Because of their own selfishness and their actual desire to be thrilled, they either do not realize or care that their attitude and actions are insulting to the fact that I am a Professional Dominatrix, an artist in the Lifestyle and have devoted My time, energies and belief in being a true Goddess. Herein lies the yin-yang aspect of the Lifestyle: you are served by serving Me and the person that I have cultivated Myself to be gives you the pleasure of fulfillment in service to Me.So, you do not wish to insult a Mistress because you are the one who will lose — whether now or in the future. The Mistress will immediately have another person to serve Her. People who want to keep the Community a place of nurturing and fulfillment will not appreciate behavior that brands you as a loser and no one will want to waste their time with you. This is why you must have your thoughts clear and focused. Mistakes can be avoided with proper preparation.When you make the conscious choice to serve a Mistress, you must be clear on:
1. Why you want to serve; what do you believe you will receive from serving Her? What do you want from the Mistress as Her servant?
2. What service means to you: this includes what tasks you wish to offer before you even speak with a Mistress;
3. How far you are willing to go in your training. This should include what type of servitude you desire, e.g., 24-7, to become collared, etc. This should also include an honest look at your fetishes. The Mistress may be into public humiliation, but you may not believe this path is for you; and
4. What type of service you do not wish to offer. This is crucial because if you are engaged in an activity that does not offer you the opportunity for personal growth in service, you won’t be happy and the Mistress will not be pleased.
I suggest writing your answers so that you can review and revise them for deeper self-understanding. The last thing you want to do is to misrepresent yourself to the Mistress and displease her because you cannot live up to what you offered. On a personal level, to misrepresent yourself to yourself is a sure path to unhappiness, failure and despair.
Part of the joy of this journey of self-discovery is the opportunity to enhance your knowledge and awareness. Before presenting yourself for service, know who and what you are in this moment. There are numerous BDSM sites which offer excellent educational tools and resources, such as BDSMU, and info on Master Steelow’s site. The Community is full of wonderful people who will freely answer your questions and assist you on your path. By knowing what you are talking about when you present yourself to the Mistress, you will show your respect for Her experience and show that you are worthy of the time She gives to consider you.
Warning: Perhaps this is my personal peeve, but I do not find most of the videotapes that are readily available to be more than just (bad) fetish-type fantasy filmed for profitability. Before you purchase or rent a tape to learn about the Scene, do the research on reviews, author/producers, etc. to see if there is anything of value to you in even bothering to investigating the product.
Make A Good Impression with your Inquiry
First impressions are lasting. Nothing annoys Me more than a poorly presented inquiry and I usually dismiss the petitioner. Some rules to follow:
1. Greet the Mistress with respect and honor Her with your words. A simple example is, “Greetings, Mistress, may I present myself to You for service?” NEVER just start with your requests of what you want from Her.
2. In either the first or second paragraph, tell the Mistress why you are worthy of Her consideration for service, e.g., your past experience, what your talents are, etc. Use this opportunity to show your sincerity in desiring to serve Her.
3. In either the first or second paragraph, tell the Mistress why you wish to serve Her specifically. Careful not to go overboard with the flattery. When someone praises My beauty too much, he appears to lack creativity. I am also not interested in how my physical attributes inspire you to want to serve Me. The honor of serving Me should be your inspiration.
4. Choose words that “offer” rather than words that demand, e.g., “As your humble servant, i would be honored to shop for your groceries,” as opposed to saying “i want to” or “i will do your food shopping.” Remember, when presenting yourself for service, your goal is to please and serve the Mistress and attend to Her desires.
5. Offer personal information including your physical description, job, where you live, whether you have a car, etc. It is also an excellent idea to let the Mistress know when you are available for an interview — “i work Monday through Friday from 9:30 to 5:30 and am available at any time on weekends for an interview at Your convenience.”
6. Make certain that your request is personalized to the Mistress. If I should receive something that looks like a form letter, I dismiss the petitioner.
7. Make certain that your request is neat, correct spellings, use paragraphs and punctuation. This is another way that you will show the Mistress that you are taking the time to present yourself properly and that you are capable of proper service.
8. Pay close attention to what the Mistress requests of applicants. I only allow people who take the time to care about themselves into my personal arena and I instruct applicants to be creative and offer Me some insight to their personalities. See My slave Application.
9. Give all of your contact information including phone number(s) with times to reach you. ALWAYS give your cell phone number. Include this information in the body of your request as well as at the end beneath your signature.
10. Take your time. I can always tell when someone has rushed and thrown together an application. I will not take you seriously in your desire to serve Me because you are showing that you will rush your duties. I have no patience for half-way anything. I want what I want done correctly and when I want it. So, if you do not make a good presentation, you will not be responded to.
11. If you send an actual physical application, be certain to use nice paper and either neatly type or print your text. If you send an email, DO NOT USE STATIONERY ATTACHMENTS. HTML text is OK, but since you do not know when or where the Mistress may read your email, keep it simple and easy to download. NEVER SEND AN ATTACHMENT.
12. It is a good idea to provide the Mistress with at least one photograph of you. Again, NEVER SEND AN ATTACHMENT. Take advantage of free online photo album services — http://photos.yahoo.com – sign up, upload photos and you will be given a link to cut and paste into emails that will take people you invite to your photos.
Generate Interest in you
It is important to give the Mistress a reason to want to give you an interview. Do not rely on your income, what services you request to offer, or anything material to interest Her. Good D/s relationships happen with chemistry. If you believe that you truly want to serve this Mistress, there is obviously something about her that inspires you. Therefore, you must give Her something to feel that you would be a good match in service to Her. Let your personality come through in your application for service so that it will not feel like work for the Mistress to consider you.
I state on my initial webpage that I dislike lackluster slaves and being bored. I also state that I like intellectual stimulation and amusement. Good ideas to interest Me are to offer a short poem that speaks to you, state your favorite books/movies, tell Me a joke. Don’t just blurt out the obvious. Think about what I must always hear from applicants and give Me something better.
After presenting your application, and unless otherwise instructed, the smart things to do are:
1. Call and alert the Mistress that you have complied with Her request and sent your application for service. This is taking care that your application is not mistaken for junk mail.
2. Be patient. If after 3-4 days you have not received a reply, it is permitted to call and/or email the Mistress to let Her know that (i) you are making sure that She received your application and that you will happily send it to Her again, if she desires; and (ii) you will patiently await Her response.
3. How you handle yourself during the consideration period is of the utmost importance. Many times I will not respond to an application for days just to see how the petitioner behaves. Polite and considerate behavior ALWAYS gets My first consideration and shows Me that you have good social skills. I do not allow people to make demands upon Me in any way.
4. If you are not accepted for service, DO NOT BEHAVE RUDELY. Thank the Mistress for Her consideration in a follow-up email or letter. Smart people know that good things happen to good sports. There have been many times where I have referred applicants to other Dominants to whom they would be better at serving than they could have served Me.
Tale of 3 applicants
subA and subB provided applications to Me that were creative, showed their intelligence, interesting and gave Me reason to decide to interview both of them. I did not respond to either application for 7 days. subA sent a polite, follow-up email to ensure that I had received his application, to which I responded and told him that he would be contacted. subA was very smart; he thanked Me for responding to him and told Me that he would “anxiously-with-patience” await contact from Me.
subB, on the other hand, is an idiot. 2 days after he’d sent his application, he called and left a message complaining that he hadn’t heard anything from Me, that he didn’t feel he was being treated fairly, that he’d spent the time to give Me what I wanted and I was not giving him what he wanted. First, subB merely followed instructions for what he must do to apply to serve Me. Since he had not even had an interview, he did not know what I wanted and he clearly did not educate himself to the fact that My consideration for his desires must be earned. I ignored him because I had made my decision that he, like all of the other applicants, would be responded to in 7 days. Within the next 5 days until I responded, subB called twice a day to complain. I wrote him a 2 sentence email which stated, “Due to your extremely poor behavior, I choose not to have you serve Me. Good luck with your search for a Dominant.” If his behavior had not already been bad enough, he called and emailed to demand that I reconsider him to serve Me, that I would certainly miss out on not having him serve Me, and that he would do whatever it took to get Me to reconsider him. subB is not ready for the Lifestyle, completely unworthy of any attention from Me, insolent, and was trying to top from the bottom — which I absolutely despise. I told him that he would have to pay for My time to interview him, fully expecting him to disappear because subB’s behavior clearly indicates that he is cheap on every level, a quality that I equally abhor. I am satisfied that he has not contacted Me since.
subC presented a wonderful application, had a good phone conversation with my assistant, scheduled an appointment for an interview, and the day before the interview, called my assistant to “negotiate” the tribute required — a mere bottle of wine. subC argued with my assistant that he was not interested in a professional session and that he did not think he should have to purchase or bring anything to the interview! I allowed subC to hear Me instruct My assistant to hang up the phone and have no further contact with him. However, he thought he would barrage Me with emails and phone calls. This upset My assistant terribly, who requested to reply to him and explain how he ruined his opportunity to be referred to a Dominant who may be better suited for him. I gave her permission to respond ONLY because this made her feel better.
Because of childish, self-centered, spoiled behavior, subB and subC not only ruined their chances to enjoy service to Me, they also ruined their opportunities to be referred to a Dominant situation that could have been just what they were looking for.
The moral of this tale is to always, always have respect and be gracious. You never know what the future holds — or doesn’t.
It should now be clear that if you truly desire to serve a Goddess, that you must exhibit divine grace yourself. Otherwise, how can you dare to think yourself worthy of consideration? Again, I am a benevolent despot and believe that education is the key to success and that knowledge is for sharing. Now you have the tools to approach a Dominant properly. I wish you well and you are welcome for this Gift.*
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Other links of interest:
Mistress Didi News