Professional Dominatrix Phoenix Steele shared an opinion on Facebook, “I’m sick of seeing Lifestyle Domme’s talk shit to a submissive just because he’s seen a ProDomme a few times!! Ladies that’s kink shaming-KNOCK IT OFF!!!”
My expanded response to that post is below.
I’ve been in the BDSM community for 20 years. I count professional dominatrices as some of my best friends, clients, and lovers. I’m familiar with both sides of this issue.
Over the years I’ve heard countless stories (and seen a few myself) about how professional dominatrices have been poorly treated by the BDSM community, and now I’m honestly shocked to hear that submissives also bear some burden for seeing professionals.
I told three friends the other day that I wrote BDSM
erotica. I even gave them my pseudonym so they could read it. They are the 3rd,
4th and 5th people I’ve told since I started publishing my work in December.
I’m not out as a submissive to many people, obviously, and sharing my writing
essentially outs me, as it’s all about femdom and it wouldn’t take a genius to
put it together. But telling these friends felt right. These are good people:
the kind who see the weird in you and like you more for it. After telling them,
I quickly said: “Don’t think just because I write about it that I want it to
happen to me, ok? A lot of stuff is just for the story. It’s not me. Ok?”
I was lying. I want most what I write about to happen to me. And the things I think they would be most shocked by, the things I was thinking of when I said that to them: I especially want that. I want to be put over someone’s knee and spanked for not making the bed correctly. I want someone to make me eat oatmeal drenched in her piss. A part of me is ashamed of wanting that. And a larger part of me is ashamed for feeling that shame.